I suck at titles so...Miscellaneous drawing + relationship

 

New drawing during a creative exchange session with Mateo

There are some people who always seem to be in a relationship, or have other people constantly vying to be in a relationship with them.  I am NOT one of those people.

So now that I'm in a relationship (well, as close as I've ever been), I'm learning a lot of new things about what it really takes to be close to someone and invite them into your life (and we're not even "officially bf/gf"). 

The first time I spent the night was also the first time I met the "morning grumpy" version of the guy who's usually incredibly sweet and caring.  He did not want to cuddle, did not want to talk, and could barely muster a grin, let alone a real smile.  I woke up that morning and turned to him, hoping to see his cute smiling face and snuggle up close, and instead I turned to him getting out of bed and pulling on his bathrobe with barely a glance at me.  I lay there in silence as I listened to him shuffling around in the kitchen, shoes sanding the floor.  Then the door opened and he handed me a plate (toast with butter & raspberry jam) and a mug of coffee.  Still no words.

He picked up the remote and turned on the TV to the news, and we started breakfast in relative silence.  Maybe a gruff comment or two from him at what was happening, but not much more.  The toast was delicious, and the coffee had the perfect amount of milk, but the silence sure was awkward.  Exactly how much did I snore and drool the night before?

As I got up to get ready for work, getting dressed while he took the dishes and washed them in the kitchen, I couldn't help wondering, for the first time, who exactly I was getting myself into.  As I gathered my things, he came in the door and watched me as I zipped up my jacket, checked my purse, and pulled on my converse.  I went in for a hug, kissed him on the cheek, and lingered waiting for the expected kiss back.  It wasn't until he drew away that I realized I wasn't getting my kiss back.  Now I was pissed.  Work was spent with a lot of bursts of angry text messages half-written (but never sent), and blasts of Rage Against the Machine. 

Looking back now, it seems a bit silly to me how badly I took it all, although at the time I was seriously thinking of ending our relationship before it went any further (easier to stop dating some guy than to break up with a boyfriend).  I later found out that he has a difficult time sharing his bed due to back problems which usually require him to stretch out in order to sleep, and that he had gotten pretty used to waking up alone, and not with someone around.  I had also neglected to notice that he had prepared breakfast and brought it to bed for me.  Breakfast in bed, without even needing to ask...

I guess it seems obvious, but being in an intimate relationship with someone means caring for the person even when they're grumpy, upset, angry, stupid, and all those other qualities which people try to avoid.  It was always easy for me to imagine being around a crush when he/she was upset or angry, but grumpy people are much more difficult to deal with than imagine.  I think back to our year-and-a-half of dating, and a total of four years as friends, and we've sure given each other a whole Titanic-full load of shit. 

He was also the one who took care of me when I was sick, who cooks me food and listens to my whining and worrying and bitching and laughing, who holds me close even when sometimes it hurts (damn back problems!). 

I think of him now, the gentle press of his lips on mine as he kisses me good-bye, the delicious mushroom salmon soup we share (and he cooked), the warmth of his hands as he wraps them around mine, the look of concern and worry I woke up to when I fainted at his feet once, and I forget about the grumpiness, the rare inconsiderate remark, the times he doesn't text me back within two minutes (I do have my petty insecurities).  We have a weird psychotic relationship, but people sure are weird and psychotic.