Insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

Human instinct is to turn to what's easier, even when the difficult path is best for us.  I wake up each day from a dream I don't want to leave.  Even though my head is clear and my body is light, every nerve refuses to get up.  There are no more highs, and no more lows.  There's just silence.

Get up, shower, pick something to wear.  I dress each day just for me, because the few people I see each day probably wouldn't give a shit how I dressed. 

Bike.  Refreshing, no matter how many layers I"m wearing.  I'm usually the first one at the office.  I enjoy the silence of the morning, and watch as people get in.  I wonder what it'd be like to go to the office knowing someone'll be there already...every day.  Almost every day. 

Work.  Work relationships.  Friendship, yes.

Home.  Inspiration is work, but when attained it works for you.  He said the struggle is to learn how to grasp it at your will.  When you sit and there's nothing.  Silence.

The world brings inspiration, but sometimes the world is scary.  What you know about yourself, what you think you know about yourself.  What you don't want to find out.  Every day the same, but expecting the next day to be different.  To find yourself to be a higher authority, after spending your life pushed by "higher authority". 

Fear and self awareness.  Self awareness is not peace of mind.  Self awareness does not let the world rush in.  When you can only sense yourself you turn your senses from the entire world around you.  That sounds like something from Eat, Pray, Love. 

Sometimes the barrier is broken, and the inspiration hits.  But I can be lazy as fuck.  It's always easier to think about doing something than actually doing it.  But I do suck at following my own advice. 

Inspiration is good.  Inspiration is strong.  Inspiration dies.  Sometimes to come back, and sometimes to not. 

Words rush in, rush out.  Don't stop, breathe. 

I choose the same, tomorrow will come.  And tomorrow does come again.  Waiting, waiting, waiting. 

Insanity.